don and carmen

There are so many things in our gospel today, the gospel which narrates to us the wedding in Cana, there are a lot of things in it that tell us what a wedding, what a marriage is all about.  Not as a wedding should be, but what a wedding is really.  I love this gospel, this is my favorite gospel for weddings.  I have been reflecting on it in so many weddings now but I would always discover something new.  Today I am not going to tell you what to do in your marital life.  As you very well know I don't have credentials to tell you what to do and what not to do.  I am obviously unmarried.  But I would like to use the gospel instead to process your experiences with one another, to process your relationship.  You learn from your own experiences.  I am just merely highlighting certain things so that you can go back to these experiences and learn from them.

First let us look at the wine that ran out and the new wine that replaced it. 

What prompted the miracle of Jesus, the first miracle at that?  It was a situation of need – a crisis. They ran out of wine.  The miracle would never have come out if there was nothing wrong.  IT would never have been discovered and triggered when everything went smoothly.  It did not go smoothly however and the stage was set for a miracle. 

If you notice in your relationship, almost always a crisis brings things up, a crisis draw things out, things we never thought we had, things we never thought possible. That's what the first thing you, Carmen, told me about when I asked you what you love in Don, something that triggered tears in your eyes.  You already wanted to give up, you have already tried several times and here comes the person you least expected to prop you up.  He saw something in you, he drew out that reserve courage, he saw what you can still possibly do, he saw something there that you never thought you have.  Your situation triggered the miracle.  Look into that.  We abhor crisis, we dread difficulties.  When they come we run.  In that experience, however, you did not.  You faced it together.  So, lo and behold, the miracle happened.  There is something in that experience that you can learn from in your relationship with Don. I believe this is what marriage is.  Each one makes the other complete. 

Let us go to the second experience.  This gospel, the wedding at Cana, is full of symbolism.  The wine run out.  Then Jesus ordered the waiters to fill the jars with water.  After doing so they offered the new wine to the head waiter who told them this is the better wine.  The old wine was good but the new wine was better.

You know natingala gid ako sa imo Carmen kon ngaa naluyag ka ni Don.  Luwas abi sa sugid niya nga sia kuno ang pinakaguapo sa inyo batch, tikalon gid ni sia, ay sabad sabad gid ni ya.  Pirme ko lang ini ginapaluhod sang una sa seminario kay kiti-kiti, palasunlog, lango-lango, kon diin ni sia katri nagakadto kay bisan inugtulog na ma-istorya pa, maginahod pa, malango-lango pa, mapakadlaw pa, kis-a sala na gid sia maba-is pa.  Wala nagapahimunong.  Terribly restless.  Kita mo pag-college niya may St. Pauls, may Doctor's, may Bacolod, kon ano-ano nga kurso kag kon diin-diin pa, abi mo indi na katapos.  Then all of a sudden the old wine run out, the old wine run out and it was replaced by a new and better wine.  And as he admitted to you, it was because of you, Carmen. 

I am not saying that you made him good.  No, the goodness was already there inside his person.  Ang mga tattoo ya na, pa hard hard lang na, ang pakodak-kodak ya na sa tangke de guerra nga daw sin-o nga hard hard, nga daw macho macho gid – indi amo na ang tuod nga Don.  In the seminary I refer to it as just the facade.  He wants to look good, and indeed for many he would look good.  But it was you Carmen who drew out from within him the better wine.  Probably there is something in you, in what you do to him, in the way he reacts to your person, that made it come out so much so that the better wine was served last.

Now the third experience.  When Mary approached Jesus telling him, Son there is no more wine, Jesus seem rude when he answered back his mother, Woman what is that to you, my hour has not yet come.  But Mary left Jesus and very simply told the waiters, do whatever he tells you. 

The story line, the dialogue seems out of sync. It seemed that Mary simply ignored the question of Jesus and his pleadings telling her that it was not yet the appropriate time.   Without a definite yes from Jesus, armed simply with a presumption that Jesus will do what she thinks he will do, she instructed the waiters to do what he tells you.  Probably this is what they call the good chemistry between Jesus and Mary.  They seem to understand each other without saying a lot of things.  And again because of this good chemistry a miracle happens.

You have a lot of things in common.  You were both batch mates.  You were both sent out of St. Paul's.  You are both nurses.  You love and like many things.  You both do not know how to cook and yet you have learned to appreciate, if not the food, at least the gesture of cooking for each other, whatever the outcome.  You both love the great outdoors.  You both love adventure.  He may not know how to wash dishes but he was wise enough to suggest you use paper plates and plastic spoons.  He does not want to go to mass because he says he has done a lot already when he was in the seminary.  And yet he listens to you and more importantly he still listens attentively to priests giving the homily.  You, Carmen, feel appreciated every time he is around.  You Don, feel cared for whenever she is around. 

These are what we call chemistry.  There is ongoing dialogue but it does not have to be always said or spoken.  There is constant communication but it does not have to be seen.  There is affirmation but it does not have to be bannered around with fireworks and all.  It may be subtle.  It may be silent and unspoken.  It only needs sensitivity. This is chemistry in relationship.  Nurture that.

So, I shared to you three things.  These are not mine.  I just merely processed your experiences with each other.  I don't have to teach you anything.  You are already rich in a lot of things.

So three experiences to always remember.  First, the first miracle of Jesus was made because they ran out of wine.  In a relationship the crisis of the couple can draw out the miracles.  Don't give up on each other.  Alone you are lacking.  Together you complete each other.

Second, the new wine is better.  The best wine may still come but you already have something better than the good you initially met. 

Third, it's the chemistry in the relationship.  Be sensitive to each other's way of saying and communicating things.  In love so many things are left unspoken.  Be attentive always to each other.

And so Carmen take care of Don.  Don take care of Carmen.  Pray always.  You have started well.  Your presence have drawn out so much good from each other.   You are doing well.  You will be fine.