your will be done

In the seminary we always come to that point where I will have to direct the seminarians to discern their vocation, to discern whether God is indeed calling them to the priesthood or not. Oftentimes we will hit a snag in defining what discernment is. What is discernment? What is the focus of discernment? Is it focussed simply in what I want, in what I desire, in my dreams? Is the discernment focussed solely on me or is it focused more on God? Many times I would have to remind them again and again that in the discernment process, especially in an important thing as knowing ones vocation in life, it is important that we take nothing with us in the discernment process except our love for God and our desire to do his will. Take away your desires, take away the expectations of other people, take away even the advantages and the practicality which accompanies the choice being considered - bring only your love for God and your desire to do his will. Why? Because discernment is not about what you want, it is not about what other people want but rather discernment is what God wants? Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

 
This is the focus of discernment, God’s will, God’s desires, God’s plan for me. IT is not what I want, but what God wants. This is the secret of holiness. The secret of holiness is always triggered by the question, what does God want of me? You may want to become a priest, your family and the people you love may want you to become a priest but the point is, in discernment, it is not what I want, it is not what they want, but what God wants. You may not want to become a priest, your family may want you to become a future dollar earner, but again the point is, in discernment it is not what I do not want, but what God wants.
Today we find Jesus choosing his would be apostles. He spent a night of prayer with the Father before he makes a choice. Remember Jesus was particular with his choices as he would often say, I have come to do the will of the one who sent me. In the end it was not his preferences but it was a choice based on what God the Father wants. I would imagine that Jesus with his practical mind would have selected nobler, learned and more credible men. It would have made his job a lot easier. But look at the lot of the choices he made - a lot of fishermen, a hated tax collector, a rebel whose surname is the Zealot, so many nobodies, so many unknown and not so credible people. And yet that was his choice, a choice he made after a night spent with the Father, a choice based solely not on what he wants but on what God wants. Remember too the Garden of Gethsemane when he prayed to the Father on the eve of his passion. He was a person in utter dilemma. He made it clear to the Father what he wanted, but he also made it clear that his choice will be based not on what he wants but on what the Father wants. Not my will but your will be done.
Every so often something like this dilemma happens to us too. It may be clear to me what I want but in discernment and in Christian life for that matter, it is what God wants. Is this what God wants? Lord, what do you want me to do? What do you wants us to do?
Many times like Jesus we will be placed in a difficult situation. You see, it would have been better if my want jibes with what God wants. But that is not always the case. If what I want becomes the sole criterion and the sole indication of what God wants then we would not have the prophets Jeremiah, or Isaiah, or Gideon, or Paul or even Jesus. And besides there would be no loving the unlovable, forgiving the unforgivable, there would be no martyrdom, there would be no heroes even. Who wants to die, who wants their loved ones dead, who wants to have cancer, who wants to be forgiving all the time - nobody wants these but it is not what I want, but what God wants.
So many times we are losing our bearing, we are losing the foundations of our society because of the oft repeated question, what do you want, what do we want, what do I want. It’s always me, myself and I. It’s always we, ourselves and us. And so what do we do - our morality is based on a surveys - since everybody wants it, then let’s do it; since the majority do not find anything wrong with it then it must be good. We call this relativism - when the foundations of moral behavior becomes subjective, when the truth becomes democratized. With all this search for the truth, with all this search for what is really good, with all this survey regarding moral behavior, have we ever surveyed God? We take pains in asking the men and women in the streets, have we taken pains in asking God?
Jesus spent the night in prayer on several occasions asking the Father what does he want? What does God want? It matters, and most of the times, it is all that matters, when you take your faith seriously.