3 characteristics of forgiveness

Today the gospel speaks of forgiveness; that we have to learn to forgive each other not just seven times but seventy times seven times which in common expression means always. You see it is easy to say I forgive. It is easy to say napatawad ko na sia. But have we ever asked, what is forgiveness? What does forgiveness consists of? What do I feel and what do I do when I say I have forgiven? Today let us dissect forgiveness, let us consider its characteristics, and see its features, what it creates in us and what it creates in the other. This way, after dissecting, after knowing what forgiveness is, we can surely judge whether we have really forgiven. What is forgiveness? Forgiveness has three characteristics.


The first characteristic of forgiveness is when we forgive there is a lifting of the burden, the lifting of the burden in me and in the person I forgive. Regardless of what we say whenever we cannot forgive, whenever we refuse to forgive, whenever we desire revenge, whenever we refuse to let go of the hurt, even if we are the person offended, we will always feel a burden weighing on us. Indi bala? Bisan pa ikaw ang sakto, bisan pa ikaw ang may kinamatarung whenever we refuse to forgive we are always weighed down with a burden. Even in statements like, sia may sala, sia kadto sa akon e, you can sense that the person is burdened by something.
One concrete and perceivable effect when we refuse to forgive is we lose our freedom, we become so to say enslaved by our anger and hatred. Nagalikaw ka, sia nagalikaw man. Kon didto sia nagapungko, bisan pa didto ka man tani luyag mapungko kay lapit sa aircon, tungod kay didto man sia, mangita ka na lang lain nga lugar kag antuson ang kainit kag manguyab. Kon masugat-anay kamo sa makitid nga alagyan, bisan pa kontani amo ini ang pinakamalapit nga alagyan, malibot ka na lang because you don’t want to be near the person you have yet to forgive. Nagalikaw.
Anger is a burden, hatred will host a lot of load. Notice however, your feelings when you forgive. Notice your feelings kon at last nagsapakanay kamo liwat. Daw gingabutan sang tunok ang imo tagipusuon. Why, because forgiveness is the lifting of the burden and you regain your freedom. You know you have forgiven, you know you have been forgiven when the burden is finally lifted.
Second characteristic of forgiveness is the releasing of a debt. What is a debt? Debt is not always money or something measurable by quantity. A debt is a demand of justice. It means you owe me something. Like money it demands restitution. It means I have to repay agod to patas na ta. That is what we often say, isn’t it? Patas na ta. This is the feeling one has when we desire revenge - manukot. Kon ginpakahuy-an ako, dapat pakahuy-an man sia. If I was insulted in public then the apology must also be in public. If this is fulfilled, then patas na ta, we are even.
In forgiveness however there is a releasing of the debt. Chances are if you release the person from a debt, pierdi ka. This is what makes forgiveness difficult. In an unforgiving heart justice will always be demanded. “You owe me, you owe it to me, wala ka kabalaslan, you have to repay me, I have to get even. I was so good to you and this is what I get?”
In forgiveness, however, you have to be ready to accept defeat. Why? To show that love is higher than justice. Love and mercy is higher than justice. Justice is only the minimum of love. To require justice means to demand the minimum. But when one loves fully justice is set aside, and one can therefore dispense the demands of justice. Forgiveness is the releasing of the debt.
The third characteristic of forgiveness is the refusal to allow past actions and failures to define the future. Let me repeat that - forgiveness is the refusal to allow past actions and failures to define the future. One characteristic of an unforgiving heart is baw nadudla na gid ako. Or something like this, baw kapila ka na natunto wala ka gid nakatuon, bal-an mo na gid nga amo na sia. If something like this crops up in your heart or in your mind, then it is an indication that you have not fully forgiven. Not yet. It is still there. It is still hurting. The past mistake, the past offense has still a hold in you. You have not yet fully forgiven.
These are the three characteristic of forgiveness - in fact these are the essences of forgiveness without which it is not. Examine the gospel. It has two parts. The first part of the parable narrates to us the forgiveness of God. God’s kind of forgiveness. Examine how it narrates to us the mercy of God. This first part of the parable shows these three characteristics. It shows us what forgiveness is all about: First, the lifting of a burden; second, the releasing of a debt; and third, the refusal to allow past actions and failures to define the future. This is how God forgives.
The second part of the parable is in a sense convincing us to forgive. The person who was just forgiven but could not forgive his brother in return stands condemned. Jesus tells us this second part of the parable to convince us to forgive. In a sense it is saying, “if God can forgive you, and forgive you as told in the first part of the parable, with the three characteristics of real forgiveness, if God can forgive you as to erase everything, why can’t you forgive others?” Jesus is trying to convince us to forgive as God forgives. He is trying to convince us to forgive others the way God has forgiven us. Do you know why he told this second part? because he can only convince, but he could not force us to forgive others. Forgiveness cannot be forced because the three inherent characteristics of forgiveness can never be forced. They can only be asked. And forgiveness can only come from a person who has reflected on himself and saw how he stands before God. Forgiveness can only come from a person who acknowledges deep down in himself his need for mercy, and even more so it comes from his personal experience of God’s mercy.