A woman can be . . .

Today on the birthday of the woman we all love and I would like to talk on a very interesting topic – women. Ok if that does not sound interesting enough to you I will change the topic to something even more interesting – we will talk about girls.

You have just heard the gospel read. It was boring – full of names – so many names, names which are difficult enough to read, much more to remember and much much more to understand. But there is something interesting about this so-called anscestry of Jesus. What is this interesting thing among these many names? All are names of men except for five, which are names of women: Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba and Mary.

More interesting than these names of women finding its way in the list of ancestry in a patriarchal society where women are treated as things, are the very characteristics of these women themselves.

Tamar was a deliberate seducer and an adulteress, who got what she wanted through wanton seduction. Rahab was a harlot who helped the Israelites conquer Jericho. Ruth was a pagan woman, a gentile, an impure race, who remained faithful to her mother in law and became the grandmother of David. Bathsheba who was seduced by David and who in turn plotted to kill her husband in order to cover his adultery. And Mary who is the greatest of all surprises in the list of names, was a woman who became a mother yet remained a virgin. What lessons can we get from these?

If God permitted to have all these women in the lineage of his Son, if God himself did not abhor as kadiri these women in the list of ancestry of his Son, then God is teaching us the first lesson that we can learn from this seemingly confusing reading. And this first lesson is: we should not be afraid of having women friends. We need women friends, we need women collaborators in the ministry, we need women and we need to relate with them as a man.

If God permitted women of ill repute to mar, so to sa,y the purity of the lineage of Jesus; if God himself willed that the lineage of his Son be contaminated by so much sin, it is to teach us a very important lesson in our relationship with women friends. And the second lesson is this: even though how beautiful the relationship might be with our women friends, the fact remains that this kind of relationship, this kind of friendship is still human. It can be constrained by possessiveness, it can be fettered by the desire for exclusivity, it can distract you from your goal, it can be an obstacle rather than a help. When friends like these overreach themselves and reach the point when she unconsciously want a claim on you and your attention, when friendship becomes too possessive, then be prepared to face this tough experience, for you will get hurt a lot and get confused in the process. It may not always be, but it can be. The solution for these problems in our relationship with women is not to avoid the friendship, which is essential, but to be aware of this tendency in any human relationship and to be on guard always.

If God permitted women to bring forth the birth of the Messiah; if God permitted women to make clear his intention of saving humanity through a man like us in all things but sin; if God permitted women to become his instruments in making His will known and reach fulfillment in the world, it is to teach us the third lesson which we must learn from our friendship with women. And the third lesson is: we must permit our friendship with them to help us discern God’s will for us in our lives. If these friends indeed accompany us in a healthy manner they must accompany us as discerners as to what God’s will is for us – to help us clarify our options in life whether in the priesthood or in another state of life. Discerners are mature people. They know when to cling to, and when to cut and cut cleanly. They know when to hold on and when to let go. . . because they know that the relationship and the woman involved are instruments of God to make His will known and reach fulfillment in their lives and in the vocation they choose.

Lastly if God permitted a woman to give birth while remaining a virgin; if God permitted to make what has been thought impossible possible in the person of Mary, it is to teach us that we can have women friends and still remain celibate and chaste. That love is more than sex, that true love is in the heart and not in the crouch, that the possibility exists and remains that a seminarian and a priest can be so in love and yet remain celibate. And that possibility rests not in our power but in the power of God. In this kind of friendship one must learn to bend his knees again and again to ask God’s help. Celibacy after all is a gift which God alone can give.

Today is the birthday of the woman we all love. May the women we love and befriend become always like her, a true friend, a co-discerner, a celibate companion.