loved beyond the boundaries of this world

One of the advantages of being sick, is being slowed down necessarily, - not by choice but by necessity. After having lived with sickness half my life, I have taken these days as a privilege and a grace, and, a workaholic as a I am, a much needed rest without qualms of conscience. Through this I was given the privilege of assessing my life once more, where I am, where I stand, what keeps me moving. I have come to believe that things happen for a purpose, that there are no coincidences, only providence.


What happened these past days were natural occurrences in our life as priest, perhaps, and so in anybody’s life. You get through the pain. You get through the anxiety of searching for the reasons of the pain. You get through the pleasure of being attended to. You get through the feeling of being unimportant and the angst of being left in a corner when you thought all the while that the world needs you. You get through bouts of loneliness interspersed with so much noise by so many visitors intruding what could have been a restful sleep.
Amidst this seemingly extreme situation accompanied by extreme bouts of the feelings of aloneness and of being mobbed, the Lord deemed it wise to show to me myself as in a mirror. These are some of the things he showed me about myself.
First, whether I consciously deny it or unconsciously accept it, I sometimes get the feeling that I am important. That things could not perfectly move as it should without my interference, without my involvement and without my control. Hounded by these I would sometimes find myself feeling unhappy over the success of others, and exultant over their failures. These are feelings I hide, feelings I would not accept, but nevertheless feelings that I sometimes feel.
Second, whether I consciously deny it or unconsciously accept it, I like the attention given to me. I don’t exactly find anything wrong with liking the attention because it is only human to like it, rather it’s more of wanting the attention, desiring the attention, craving for attention and probably even motivated by my desire for it. Probably that is the reason why passionate as I am I can still be easily discouraged and would easily sulk at the least hint of disapproval and criticism.
In all these God made me realize in those few days that I stand on a flimsy foundation, not truly anchored on stable rock. Like the people in Jesus time I realized that my identity is fastened and attached to an edifice that may be beautiful to look at but nevertheless impermanent and fleeting. I have anchored myself on something that will pass away, something weak and fragile. Where am I anchored at when criticisms terrify me? Where am I anchored at when failures and setbacks confound me? Where am I anchored at when disapproval makes me stressful and disturbed?
In those lonely hours I found myself reading a sentence which started all these reflections. If you really want to love you have to believe that you are loved beyond the boundaries of this world. That is the anchor – to believe that you are truly loved beyond the boundaries of this world.
The Jews identified themselves with the temple. When the temple was destroyed they lost their sense of identity, they lost their anchor. And this prophecy of Jesus which came true started what would be the second diaspora of the Jews. An identity anchored on stone no matter how beautifully it was adorned is an identity anchored on flimsy ground, for when the days come when there will not be left a stone upon another stone, where do you run to?
And so it is with us. An identity anchored on the need for attention or on the feeling of being important is an identity anchored on flimsy ground. What if you feel unimportant, relegated and sidelined? What if instead of praise and sympathy you get negative criticisms and denunciation? It is necessary to be anchored in something that will stand the test of time and events – something beyond the boundaries of this world – to be anchored in the belief that you are loved beyond the boundaries of this world. It is not just a necessity for loving, it is a necessity of being – whether as a priest or just simply a human person.