the skull in my room: 13th sunday B 2012

I have a skull in my room.  I do not know how it ended in my room but it has been there for so many years now, and it always sits on the table in front of me when I give counselling, when I talk to seminarians, of when I give spiritual direction.  The skull would be sitting there, silent, with eyes gouged, baring its teeth uncovered by lips and skin, a bare head.  It has been a silent witness to what people said to me in counselling and spiritual direction.  No the skull is not real.  It is made of plastic but it looks very real.

Why do I put a skull there on my table?  - The skull reminds me of my vulnerabilities, it reminds the seminarian too about his own vulnerabilities and why we should be honest about them.

To remind me of my vulnerabilities.  Kon kaisa kon mag-advise-advice ka pamatyag mo daw sin-o ka na gid nga maayo.  Kon ikaw gani ang lider ukon ang mayor, abi mo daw ikaw na lang ang sakto.  I put that skull to remind me of my own vulnerabilities; that if I give good advice and guidance it is because I have been lost too; that if I give encouragement and help, it is because I was helpless and feel so from time to time; it reminds me that I speak not from a position of strength and infallibility but from my humble assessment of my own vulnerability.  With the skull in front I don’t have to pretend that I know everything.  It reminds me to be real and to be truthful to myself and to others.

The skull in front reminds others too to be truthful, that in the end without the make-up, without the skin pigment of black, white and kayumanggi, without the skin and flesh, all of us, the real us, are nothing but ugly bones.  The skull seems to say, “what are you hiding from, what’s the make up for?”  Be honest, be open.  You don’t have to pretend. Accept your vulnerabilities.  Each of us in some way or the other is in a position of need.

Jairus was a synagogue leader and he came to Jesus for help.  Leaders are supposedly well-trained people.  They know what to do.  They know where to go.  They are competent and they get things done.  Precisely people come to them for help.  But here is Jairus desperate, he was about to lose his daughter.  He does not know what to do.  Thus, he approached Jesus and asked for help.  Here is a leader who instead of sending an emissary as it was usually done at that time, went to Jesus himself, personally.  He throws himself at the feet of Jesus instead of facing him as an equal.  And when he was at Jesus’ feet he did not ask politely but instead he begged him to come.  Jairus, in the moment when he was about to lose her, became vulnerable, utterly helpless, desperate for the love of her daughter.

Then there was this woman, a nobody who was equally desperate for a cure.  She was ill and bleeding for twelve years.  It was a vaginal bleeding thereby rendering her impure, she cannot attend religious ceremonies, and she could not bear a child, which was then considered a curse and a punishment.  Now in her despair she went through the crowd not to invite him to come to her house.  That would be admitting her impurity.  But she came only to touch him silently, quietly, and even discreetly, for she knew that by her bleeding she was rendering everyone else impure.  Her despair may have brought her to Jesus, but her fear in being known and getting caught made her hide.  And then it came - she admitted it was her who touched him.

So what is this inviting us? 

First, God loves us despite the fact he knows us.  He knows us.  He knows what is in your heart and thoughts.  He knows our deepest secrets and yet he loves us. This truthfulness before God is needed.  We need to relate in trust because when there is no trust there can be no love.  People cannot be real to people they could not trust.  The depth of love is measured by how much we can be vulnerable to each other.  In the bible Adam and Eve were very naked - nakedness symbolized their vulnerability.  And yet they are not afraid of each other, they did not hide, the did not take advantage of each other.  This, until sin arrived.

This gospel then is an invitation to become a community that has learned to accept limitations - not just our own limitation which is important but also the limitations of others.  We are invited to become persons who honor and respect each other’s vulnerability.  This is the only way we can become a safe and caring community.