trusting the guide

Permit me to tell you one of my experiences of helplessness.
Last two years ago, I was privileged to be invited to the province of Bontoc by a priest friend. The ride was not just bumpy and long, it was terribly bumpy and very long – 14 hours from manila by bus. We were literally walking on clouds passing through the highest highway in the Philippines and supposedly the coldest place in the country, where the specialty of the carinderias in our stopovers were caldereta na aso, inihaw na aso, bituka ng aso, utak ng aso, and every part of the dog except the paws and the tail. It was one place where I never saw a dog running around.


Anyway I thought these things were enough reasons to regret the trip, not until we went to the famous burial caves in Sagada. We went in during the night because my priest friend who acted as our guide said it made no difference inside whether its night or day – it was totally dark inside – an ordinary flashlight would be of no use. When we were inside the cave, we came to the part where the rocks suddenly became too slippery and the way was becoming too steep, too much for someone who has just recovered from arthritis. And so after struggling so hard to reach the middle of the cave, my legs began shaking and I called it quits. And so I was left there together with an American nun who was formerly a nurse during the Vietnam War, and a twelve-year-old boy.
I was there for what seemed to be the longest time of my life enveloped in darkness, bombarded all the while by gruesome and gory stories of the Vietnam War. That sister just couldn’t shut her mouth up. Coupled with these gory stories we were all the while bombarded by an onslaught of feces and urine coming from a thousand bats hovering over our heads. I was really very afraid then. Finally, we could no longer take it and without anyone to turn to we permitted ourselves to be guided by a twelve-year-old boy. Several times we stopped – why? because we could not trust the boy – a priest and a nun being led by a boy? We thought then that he was leading us nowhere, we thought then that he was leading us deeper into the cave instead of out, we thought then that he was ignorant as we were. We were arguing along the way pointing to different directions. Finally the nun and I decided to take the risk and let the boy guide us. We reflected that if we insisted on our own intelligence and arguments we will never find the mouth of the cave. And so no more arguments, no more debates. And you know what, we finally saw the skyline and it was the most beautiful thing that I saw in the sagada caves. Never mind the stalactites and the stalagmites, I was just so happy to see the mouth of the cave. I was just too happy to be out of the cave, I almost gave my wallet to the boy who guided us out of that mess.
This experience comes to mind as we read today’s gospel. Jesus was leaving his disciples. And like any good master Jesus promised them that when he leaves them he will send another paraclete. Paraclete means helper – he will send the spirit of truth who will strengthen them, who will guide them, and who will be with them to comfort. A promise is a promise and Jesus did fulfill his promise. I believe you know the rest of the story. He sent the Spirit as we can see in our first reading. The problem however, is not that we have no helper, the problem is not that we have no one to turn on to. We have.
The problem however is as Jesus saw it is the failure of man to see the helper and to recognize his help. And so today we ask ourselves, do we permit ourselves to be helped. Have we really asked for help and if we did (and this is the most important part) can we entrust ourselves to the helper and to his way of helping us. It’s like going into that cave again. I know the Lord will help me, but it was just too difficult to recognize the kind of help he was giving. He gave us a little boy to guide us, he could have given us somebody with a Ph.D. at least!
Just like life isn’t it? In the manner we pray for example. “Lord answer my prayers . . . but Lord do it my way, do it like this Lord . . .” So you guide the guide and you help the helper and sooner or later you will find out that you can never get out of any cave or in the darkness of life that way. Many times doors will be closed upon us. Many times things we have no control of happen to us. And yet, can we entrust ourselves to the guide, can we permit ourselves to be lead by the hand.
A doctor told me this story. There was this wife who was praying all the while for a baby. One day she was given one. She called herself indeed blessed. When the child was born however, she found out that that longed for child was not an ordinary child. He was a mongoloid. She could not accept him, despair took hold of her. “Why Lord, why give me this child?” She could not sleep, she could not bring herself to accept him . . . why why why? Then one day she changed her question. Instead of asking, “why lord, why lord,” she now asked, “what now Lord, what do you want me to do?” And all of a sudden doors were opened, possibilities presented themselves, and to make the long story short, she put up a center that helps mongoloid children and their parents. Not why, but what. Trusting the helper, counting on the guide.