fraternal correction
I am supposedly the prefect of discipline and it is part of my duty, I mean not just a part, but the main bulk of my duty, to keep everybody in line – meaning I should be there to discipline, to make sure that their behavior remains within the ambit of what we consider civil, to make sure that the rules will always be followed, to make sure that everybody sleeps and wakes on time, to make sure that the little boys eat their vegetables, to make sure that they do their house cleaning well, to make sure that they don’t do anything weird to their teacher, to make sure . . . the list can be endless! Doing all these to the boys I can presume what your next question would be. You would ask me – do you like this kind of job? Last night I sat down and listed the many things I hated with this kind of job.
The most difficult thing to do with this job is to watch other people’s lives and correct them when necessary. I really don’t mind watching other peoples’ lives. In fact it can be interesting. Why else do we love to watch Kris Aquino on TV and those chica chica things. But the difficult thing is not watching, but watching to correct when something goes wrong, and mind, you watching twelve year olds going up to twenty year olds, correcting is not a once in a while affair.
Correcting takes so much of my energy. It is exhausting. First you get irritated, the intensity of which depends on how many times you have already repeated the same instruction or command. Irritation means blood pressure is up, quickening of the heartbeats and pumping of adrenaline. Then you get to wonder, that is, if you can still think straight, which, by the way, seldom happens; you wonder, “how would I correct?” Then when you go through the process of correcting you can’t help it most of the times but you hurt feelings. For people who could not understand or people who are in their rebellious years or for people who are just plain stupid, the hurt and the humiliation can be tremendous leaving you guessing as to how they would react. This already includes you guessing as to where you should hide and how you should defend yourself if worst comes to worst.
Then after the irritation has subsided and the correction given it is your turn once more to get hurt. It is not true that only the people who are corrected get hurt. I believe the hurt is more to those who give it than to those who receive it – that is why few would bother to give corrections. Did I do it right? Did I say something wrong? Did I hurt his feelings? Will he not rebel? Will he hate me for doing this? Will he do as I say or will he rather become harder still? O God, I hurt you again!
It is not true that persons who correct feel vindicated and triumphant. People who, after correcting others, brag to their friends saying “ti man ginbirahan ko sila,” is a liar. That is not what he really feels. Because people who correct are people who care, and when you care you love and when one is in love he always gets hurt when the other is hurt no matter what the reasons are. Remorse, guilt, fear, exhaustion come. It is never easy to give correction, never easy.
Why am I telling you this?
First I am telling you this to appeal to the young – accept corrections. It is part of loving. When I was as young like you without any responsibility, I abhor this constant and incessant nagging of people in authority. But going through it myself has made me wiser. It is never easy. We get hurt in the process – but that is how love is. So don’t get that hurt or implant a hatred or grudge. Being corrected and accepting corrections are part of growing up. It is part of parental responsibility, it is part of loving. For those whom he loves, he chastises.
Second, I am telling you this to appeal to the parents and those in authority – give corrections. It is part of loving. Now that I am older and with a responsibility to face, a responsibility which puts people under my care, I could not turn a blind eye on fraternal corrections anymore without my conscience bothering me. It is never easy. We get hurt in the process – but that is how love is. You risk so many things when you correct people, one is popularity, though you can have your name written all over the comfort room’s wall and that’s for free. The other risk is to be hated by everybody. But being hated has an advantage too you know – for one they won’t bother you during your birthday!
Third, listen to your church when she reproves, criticizes and corrects. It is part of our responsibility before God and our task of shepherding. It is not easy but loving was and is never easy, faithfulness is never easy, the gospel is never easy, going to heaven is never easy.
Giving fraternal correction is a new kind of martyrdom which our communities and families need today – people who can distinguish right from wrong and dare to tell them to the people concerned. The prophets did it, Jesus did it, Moses did it, John the Baptist did it and the greatest nagger of all – God.
Today Jesus is asking us to build up one another through fraternal corrections. It is a duty – a very difficult duty of love.
The most difficult thing to do with this job is to watch other people’s lives and correct them when necessary. I really don’t mind watching other peoples’ lives. In fact it can be interesting. Why else do we love to watch Kris Aquino on TV and those chica chica things. But the difficult thing is not watching, but watching to correct when something goes wrong, and mind, you watching twelve year olds going up to twenty year olds, correcting is not a once in a while affair.
Correcting takes so much of my energy. It is exhausting. First you get irritated, the intensity of which depends on how many times you have already repeated the same instruction or command. Irritation means blood pressure is up, quickening of the heartbeats and pumping of adrenaline. Then you get to wonder, that is, if you can still think straight, which, by the way, seldom happens; you wonder, “how would I correct?” Then when you go through the process of correcting you can’t help it most of the times but you hurt feelings. For people who could not understand or people who are in their rebellious years or for people who are just plain stupid, the hurt and the humiliation can be tremendous leaving you guessing as to how they would react. This already includes you guessing as to where you should hide and how you should defend yourself if worst comes to worst.
Then after the irritation has subsided and the correction given it is your turn once more to get hurt. It is not true that only the people who are corrected get hurt. I believe the hurt is more to those who give it than to those who receive it – that is why few would bother to give corrections. Did I do it right? Did I say something wrong? Did I hurt his feelings? Will he not rebel? Will he hate me for doing this? Will he do as I say or will he rather become harder still? O God, I hurt you again!
It is not true that persons who correct feel vindicated and triumphant. People who, after correcting others, brag to their friends saying “ti man ginbirahan ko sila,” is a liar. That is not what he really feels. Because people who correct are people who care, and when you care you love and when one is in love he always gets hurt when the other is hurt no matter what the reasons are. Remorse, guilt, fear, exhaustion come. It is never easy to give correction, never easy.
Why am I telling you this?
First I am telling you this to appeal to the young – accept corrections. It is part of loving. When I was as young like you without any responsibility, I abhor this constant and incessant nagging of people in authority. But going through it myself has made me wiser. It is never easy. We get hurt in the process – but that is how love is. So don’t get that hurt or implant a hatred or grudge. Being corrected and accepting corrections are part of growing up. It is part of parental responsibility, it is part of loving. For those whom he loves, he chastises.
Second, I am telling you this to appeal to the parents and those in authority – give corrections. It is part of loving. Now that I am older and with a responsibility to face, a responsibility which puts people under my care, I could not turn a blind eye on fraternal corrections anymore without my conscience bothering me. It is never easy. We get hurt in the process – but that is how love is. You risk so many things when you correct people, one is popularity, though you can have your name written all over the comfort room’s wall and that’s for free. The other risk is to be hated by everybody. But being hated has an advantage too you know – for one they won’t bother you during your birthday!
Third, listen to your church when she reproves, criticizes and corrects. It is part of our responsibility before God and our task of shepherding. It is not easy but loving was and is never easy, faithfulness is never easy, the gospel is never easy, going to heaven is never easy.
Giving fraternal correction is a new kind of martyrdom which our communities and families need today – people who can distinguish right from wrong and dare to tell them to the people concerned. The prophets did it, Jesus did it, Moses did it, John the Baptist did it and the greatest nagger of all – God.
Today Jesus is asking us to build up one another through fraternal corrections. It is a duty – a very difficult duty of love.
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