it's not about sex
This morning let us talk about sex. Okay I got your attention. But don’t worry I am not fooling you just to get your attention. I will be reflecting with you partly about sex. If you are accusing me of talking to you about sex in church remember it was not me who instigated the discussion. The first reading talks about a naked man and a naked woman roaming around the garden. Now what could I do? Then here is Jesus instigated in part by the question of the Pharisees talking about adultery, about a man and a woman becoming one flesh, one body and about a man or a woman having relations with others besides their husbands or wives. Now with these readings I cannot help talking about sex at 7:15 in the morning. But come to think of it, it is providential. Talking about sex in the morning is like having good coffee. It keeps one awake and should I also include the adjective, attentive?
If you think sex is something shocking for you in a fine morning like this what do you think would I feel as a priest living alone in my room for the past ten years when I hear the words of God himself saying, It is not good for man to be alone? Why the hell am I living alone? You could have told me earlier that it is not good for man to be alone!
The reason why I am talking to you about sex in the morning is because our readings today are not about sex. The first reading is not about sex and the gospel is not about sex and that is the reason why I am talking about sex. Because most often than not when we speak about nakedness, adultery, man-woman relationship we cannot help but think about sex and talk about sex. But I found out three weeks ago that it is not about sex at all. I have been seven years in the seminary and some of my student-seminarians have become husbands and fathers. One of them came back for a visit. The first question I asked him was, So how is married life. And the first reply I heard him say was, “Fr. it is not about sex.” And we both laughed. We laughed because after several years of talking things from the heart we know why we have to laugh at this reply. It is not about sex. So what is it about?
It is about the very core of our being human. It is about the very bottom of our being, of our existence. It is not good for man to be alone. It is not good for woman to be alone. The core of our being human, the core of our existence – intimacy and relationship. It is not about sex. It is about intimacy and relationship. Let us face this. Let us talk about this. And then let us ask very important questions.
There are people who can beso naked in front of each other and yet find no intimacy between them. There are husbands and wives who have become husbands and wives and yet after all those years have not become real friends. There are sons who call their fathers papa or daddy or tatay but could not call them friends. There are daughters who call their mothers mama or mommy or nanay but could not call their mothers their friends.
Let us ask questions: before you became husband and wife have you first become friends, real friends? In the years of relating with your son, in the many years that he has called you daddy, in the many years you have called him son, can he consider you now, can he call you now his friend? In the many years that you have been relating to your daughter, in the many years that she has called you mama, can she also call you more than this, has she called you more than this, has she considered you a friend, her foremost friend? Please leave your sons and daughters this one important legacy that will make them human. And what is this legacy. That on the day of your burial they are no just going to bury a mother or a father. No, leave the legacy that this fruit of your seed and your womb, will bury above all one who has become a real friend. That the tears that will be shed will not just be tears for a parent, but above all tears for a friend. This is a legacy more than anything – the legacy that makes us human, the legacy that touches the core of our being. Why? because it is a known fact and divinely ordained fact that it is not good for man to be alone. But how is it that a son and daughter, a husband or a wife can be in a crowd and yet feel alone. It is not about sex. In fact early sex among young men and women today is indicative of a home without intimacy. It is not sex that they are looking for. It is intimacy. It is intimacy which can be found and provided for in real relationships. It is something which you yourself can provide without them looking for it in naked bodies. Bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh – this is about friendship, about a relationship in a garden called Eden, about a man and a woman, so naked, so vulnerable, so miserable in front of each other and yet felt no shame - and yet fully accepted, fully loved, fully embraced.
I tell you this from experience as a formator of almost 7 years, that you can never form, you can never truly discipline unless you have first become their friends, unless you have established real relationships.
I have a friend once. He went his way. He never returned the call. He just left. Then one day he came back. And in the middle of the conversation I asked, why? And what he said touched me. He said, “I may have done this to you. I might have hurt you by what I said and what I did. But I know deep inside that despite of these, when I come back you will still be there waiting for me.”
It is not about sex. It is about intimacy. It is intimacy which makes divorce revolting. It is intimacy which makes separation and annulments repulsive and dreadful not just to the couple but more so to the children. It is intimacy which makes infidelity a betrayal, a perfidy. It is intimacy and friendship which makes us say for ever, for richer for poorer, for better, for worse, forever and ever.
It is not good for man to be alone. As a priest, even if I am alone, I need to relate intimately with God, I need to relate intimately with the people I serve. I need to relate intimately with friends, I need friends, and when I say I need it is a need which one could not do without for without friends, without that which is the core of our being human, I die even before I’m dead.
If you think sex is something shocking for you in a fine morning like this what do you think would I feel as a priest living alone in my room for the past ten years when I hear the words of God himself saying, It is not good for man to be alone? Why the hell am I living alone? You could have told me earlier that it is not good for man to be alone!
The reason why I am talking to you about sex in the morning is because our readings today are not about sex. The first reading is not about sex and the gospel is not about sex and that is the reason why I am talking about sex. Because most often than not when we speak about nakedness, adultery, man-woman relationship we cannot help but think about sex and talk about sex. But I found out three weeks ago that it is not about sex at all. I have been seven years in the seminary and some of my student-seminarians have become husbands and fathers. One of them came back for a visit. The first question I asked him was, So how is married life. And the first reply I heard him say was, “Fr. it is not about sex.” And we both laughed. We laughed because after several years of talking things from the heart we know why we have to laugh at this reply. It is not about sex. So what is it about?
It is about the very core of our being human. It is about the very bottom of our being, of our existence. It is not good for man to be alone. It is not good for woman to be alone. The core of our being human, the core of our existence – intimacy and relationship. It is not about sex. It is about intimacy and relationship. Let us face this. Let us talk about this. And then let us ask very important questions.
There are people who can beso naked in front of each other and yet find no intimacy between them. There are husbands and wives who have become husbands and wives and yet after all those years have not become real friends. There are sons who call their fathers papa or daddy or tatay but could not call them friends. There are daughters who call their mothers mama or mommy or nanay but could not call their mothers their friends.
Let us ask questions: before you became husband and wife have you first become friends, real friends? In the years of relating with your son, in the many years that he has called you daddy, in the many years you have called him son, can he consider you now, can he call you now his friend? In the many years that you have been relating to your daughter, in the many years that she has called you mama, can she also call you more than this, has she called you more than this, has she considered you a friend, her foremost friend? Please leave your sons and daughters this one important legacy that will make them human. And what is this legacy. That on the day of your burial they are no just going to bury a mother or a father. No, leave the legacy that this fruit of your seed and your womb, will bury above all one who has become a real friend. That the tears that will be shed will not just be tears for a parent, but above all tears for a friend. This is a legacy more than anything – the legacy that makes us human, the legacy that touches the core of our being. Why? because it is a known fact and divinely ordained fact that it is not good for man to be alone. But how is it that a son and daughter, a husband or a wife can be in a crowd and yet feel alone. It is not about sex. In fact early sex among young men and women today is indicative of a home without intimacy. It is not sex that they are looking for. It is intimacy. It is intimacy which can be found and provided for in real relationships. It is something which you yourself can provide without them looking for it in naked bodies. Bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh – this is about friendship, about a relationship in a garden called Eden, about a man and a woman, so naked, so vulnerable, so miserable in front of each other and yet felt no shame - and yet fully accepted, fully loved, fully embraced.
I tell you this from experience as a formator of almost 7 years, that you can never form, you can never truly discipline unless you have first become their friends, unless you have established real relationships.
I have a friend once. He went his way. He never returned the call. He just left. Then one day he came back. And in the middle of the conversation I asked, why? And what he said touched me. He said, “I may have done this to you. I might have hurt you by what I said and what I did. But I know deep inside that despite of these, when I come back you will still be there waiting for me.”
It is not about sex. It is about intimacy. It is intimacy which makes divorce revolting. It is intimacy which makes separation and annulments repulsive and dreadful not just to the couple but more so to the children. It is intimacy which makes infidelity a betrayal, a perfidy. It is intimacy and friendship which makes us say for ever, for richer for poorer, for better, for worse, forever and ever.
It is not good for man to be alone. As a priest, even if I am alone, I need to relate intimately with God, I need to relate intimately with the people I serve. I need to relate intimately with friends, I need friends, and when I say I need it is a need which one could not do without for without friends, without that which is the core of our being human, I die even before I’m dead.
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