vanity of vanities

Vanity of vanities. What is the vanity of vanities of a religious? What is the vanity of vanities of somebody who has dedicated himself or herself to God and the church in the religious life?

A thing is considered vanity when it is worthless, empty and valueless. It is something that has no real value and without any real significance.

If you notice, from this definition we can arrive at the conclusion that it would be very easy to escape from accusations of being vain. One can always say, “it may be valueless for you but it is significant for me.” “A small earring may be insignificant for just about anybody, but for me personally, I wear history dangling on my ears dating from the time of my great, great grandmother – a family heirloom.” What may be valueless to you, might be priceless to another. The human mind is such that it can always rationalize, even a small thing of no significance to another, has personal value to the person concerned. In the end therefore, from the subjective point of view, from each person’s point of view, everything is not vanity.

But the first reading should be read in its entirety, for values nowadays in our world of subjectivity can always be judged in reference to another. And the only reference that would render the judgment vanity as universal and applicable to all, is the topic of our first reading and our gospel. To come up with the objective conclusion that all things are vanity they are to be judged in reference to death. We can only say with surety that all things are vanity when we are confronted with death.
Well this story has been told several times already I presume. Nevertheless let me repeat it to remind us of that which makes all things vanity.
Three men were given 50 million pesos with the instruction that they are to bury the money with their deceased benefactor, a man who wanted to bring with him his money even in death. So on the day of burial each of the three men carried with him a black suitcase supposedly filled with 50 million pesos which they solemnly deposited on top of the coffin before the tomb was sealed. After several weeks, however, the three men gathered together two of whom were very much disturbed.
The first one said, “I have a confession to make. I buried only 40 million pesos.”
The other man said with sadness on his face, “I buried 30 million pesos only.” The other man seemed undisturbed and so he was asked, “How much of the 50 million did you bury?” And the third man, a matter-of-fact man that he was, replied, rather confidently, “I buried exactly 50 million pesos . . . in check.”
The judgment, vanity of vanities, can only be made in reference to death and so we go back to the initial question, “what is the vanity of vanities of a religious?” “What is the vanity of vanities of somebody who has dedicated himself or herself to God in the religious life?”
I can safely assume that we are freed from the vanity of trinkets, cosmetics, jewelry, anklets, rings, earrings, watches, Guess and signature underwear. I can only presume that we are freed from the vanity of cars, houses, fully furnished quarters and a water bed.
For a religious like us who are necessarily deprived of these things by reason of income, our vanity may lie in our attitudes and perhaps some mind sets and points of view. And perhaps even, our vanity may lie on our thoughts just like the rich man in our gospel today, thoughts which may not be really actualized but nevertheless bloat our egos and pride. Two things.
First, for a religious our vanity may lie in our position of power. Like all men and women of goodwill we are not immune from the temptations of power - the higher the better; the more the merrier. Sometimes it would take a simple movie like Spiderman to remind us that with great power comes great responsibility and though it may not be as marvelous as leaping from one building to the next with only a web spurting out of our wrists, the fact remains that power is not all that glitters.
In the olden days the glorious coronation of a pope is accompanied by a simple Franciscan dressed in coarse brown cloth, a great contrast to the splendor of the Vatican. As he walked he burned straw on the pope’s path shouting sic transit gloria mundi, this is how the glory of the world passes, like straw aflame, burned to ashes. This only shows that our being religious does not immunize us from the effects of power and its hold on us, for in truth power indeed corrupts. And the thoughts too that come with power can be so devious it destroys the soul.
This realization came to me three weeks ago. I sensed something is very wrong in my attitudes when I began to feel insecure in my position. I felt I was being eased out. I felt I was being relegated. I felt I was being opposed. I was feeling that way because probably it came already to my head that I am right and always so, that I am in control and always so, that I am indispensable and always be. I began feeling afraid of loosing my position and loosing my control. It was as if I am sucked up by the feeling of my own importance. For this I have to resign. I have to resign for the good of my soul. And I have to strip myself naked before them so that they would understand why I am asking for another office.
The vanity of a position and the feeling of indispensability can bring nothing but harm. So many thoughts filled my mind, against and in favor of the decision. But one thing is sure and clear in my mind – that the only thing necessary is the fact that I have to save my soul – everything else is vanity. If my position comes into conflict with my salvation, even if one thinks, one thinks, that it could bring so much good to many, it is vanity. Even if it is my religious life itself, if it comes into conflict with the prior call to be saved, then it is vanity. Nothing else matters but my salvation. In our priority of things, all things are vanity but this.
Second is our physical including perhaps out intellectual well-being. It was only yesterday that I realized and accepted that there are things in gardening that I cannot do anymore. I have to ask somebody else, a younger one, to do it for me. This is just a simple realization, but you see from my own humble experience, big things in life are learned in the garden, specifically in gardening. And it came to me yesterday as I was gardening with some students. There are things in life that I have to let go as I move along in life – things as basic as moving a potted plant from this corner to that. I realized that we have to pass torches every once in a while. We cannot hold on forever to the beauty of youth – we pass that to others and we move on and acquire the beauty of middle age, and still later on the graciousness of old age. And even that we have to pass on as we acquire the serenity of waiting for death. If there is one vanity that is too hard to give up it is the vanity of permanence - that we can be this for ever; that we can be that for ever. Forcing myself to be what I was 2 years ago can lead to serious damage. But sometimes it would take us a lot of pain in order to realize that – a fall perhaps or a broken hip bone. It is not enough to forgo that we are immortal. It is also crucial to forgo the thought that we are permanently young, permanently capable, permanently able, permanently strong, permanently competent, permanently in Iloilo City, permanently in Makati, permanently in good health.
Two years ago, I was quietly relaxing on a table reading a book with Fr. Ryan. All of a sudden a glass window fell on our table missing us by a few inches. The waiter said it could have had our heads cut off. Now that led me to think. And think I did. Those days I was so careful with my diet. I did not eat mongo, dinuguan, lechon. I deprived myself of my favorite merienda – batchoy. All these I shunned. Then it came to me with that falling glass window – I deprived myself of all these delicious things so that I could stay on earth a bit longer, only to die of a falling glass window. I don’t mean to say that you disobey your doctor. Obey your doctor. But you see even doctors cannot control the impermanency of health and earthly life . . . and besides, batchoy is still the best.