it depends ... living the double life

When I was first assigned by Msgr. Gamboa to the Seminary way back 1997, he specifically assigned me as the inspector. He called me an inspector. It was the old name of the prefect of discipline and it speaks very well of the nature of my work. As you very well know in some countries a policeman is also called an inspector and that I said is the nature of my work. I was to become the policeman of the seminarians who was expected to prevent crime, catch the criminals, interrogate suspect, send them to jail, in the case of the seminary, send them out, and I should see to it that the laws are observed with rigor. I was the seminary policeman and true enough, in time, some priests began calling me SPO1 Esperancilla.
The work of a seminary inspector is practically second nature to me. People fear me and it comes quiet naturally. When the lectors of the cathedral at one time complained that they were afraid of me and they get nervous every time I said mass and they did the reading, I told them that their feelings were normal. Well, I said, even my mother is afraid of me so all the more reason that other people like lectors should be afraid of me. So in the seminary when I am around they are well-behaved, just one look and they know what I want, the sight of me makes them clean their assignments well and when I pass everyone sits straight and stays silent. The inspector is passing by and they know better not to cross path with me.


The problem however is when I was not around, when I was not doing my rounds, when I was not looking, when I was not in an angry and fighting mood. They learned to do stupid things when I was looking the other way, when I was not inspecting. Another problem was, even when I was around, they began to learn how to hide, little by little they learned how to cover their acts well, and they made an extra rule on top of the many rules the seminary already had - thou shall not get caught. Thus began the hide and seek game giving credence to the saying, when the cat is away the mouse will play.
This little game between prefect and seminarians, and I believe between parents and children also, between teachers and students too, may be fun now but not in the future. This is what we call the beginnings of a double life, living a double life, something pointed out by our readings today. And I suppose this problem is not just true to leaders, and priests for that matter, but also to all of us.
How does one live a double life? It depends. A double life is founded on it depends. It depends on who I am with. It depends on who is looking. It depends on what I want from him or her. It depends on what’s in it for me. It depends on whom I am talking to. It depends. That is how one lives a double life. There are no absolute principles, there are no permanent values, there is no long lasting character, there are no solid beliefs. Why, because it depends.
Jesus is however asking us to truthful. That is why he ended this by saying he who humbles himself will be exalted. Humility is living in the truth, the truth of who you are whether you are alone or with others, whether you are in broad daylight or under the cover of darkness.
Humility is the truth. It means I am conscious of who I am and be true to my identity. I am a priest, I am a seminarian, I am a child of God, I am a Christian. I cannot be a child of God in one room and a devil’s child in another room. I cannot be a Christian in this company and an atheist in another. I cannot be a priest in the convent and be another person in a mall. Wherever I am, I bring with me my identity; wherever I am, I am conscious of my identity, of the truth, the truth of who I am, and because of this I have to decide and act on the basis of that identity regardless of who I am dealing with and what I am up to. It is not it depends. Who you are does not change with whom you are dealing with. It remains constant. That is why it is called the truth, because the truth cannot be true today and a lie tomorrow.
Humility is the truth. It means I am conscious not just of who I am but also of who you are, of who the other is regardless of his or her station in life. Again it is not it depends. It is not it depends whether he or she is educated or not. It is not it depends whether he or she is rich or poor. It is not it depends whether he or she is a he or she or whatever. Identity is not defined by one’s station in life or on the number of years one has been educated. Again, the basis is the truth, the truth of who we are before God.
And so that’s it. The priests were condemned in our first reading because they showed partiality. And so the prophet asked, Have we not all the one father? Has not the one God created us? The Pharisees were condemned in our gospel for they preach but do not practice what they teach.
This is what I mean by duality, living a double life, a life based not on permanent truths, not on solid principles but simply on the premise which says it depends.
Today is also the last of the seminary Sundays for the year. Our colecta for this mass will be donated in support of the St. Vincent Ferrer Seminary and its work of forming future priests. Pray that we will form authentic priests, priests who do not live a double life, but live the truth of their identity as priests. Pray that we will form sincere priests who show no partiality in their dealings with the faithful. Pray that we will form priests, better priest, holier priests.