to betray
Today, because of the readings, is traditionally called the day of betrayal. We commemorate today the betrayal of Jesus by Judas and partially by Peter.
During this day, I will begin giving the evaluation by class, of course to those who are ready. And I chose this day, the day of betrayal, to explain why I would give it by class and what you should do now that you will know each other’s needs and secrets.
Last night I got the dictionary and looked for the word betrayal. It has several meanings.
First – to lead astray and to deliver to an enemy by treachery.
When we started this journey together I told you that we should learn to trust each other. I begged you to trust me, I don’t want you to tell lies to me, I demanded always the truth from you. Some of you have come to my room just to tell me the mistakes they have done. I never promised you that I will not punish you, I never told you that it is just OK with me. I still have with me the right of the prefect as defender of values to weed out anything that is contrary to expected behavior. But you trusted me despite of that. You have made yourself too vulnerable because of this trust. But I too have made myself vulnerable in my effort to trust you. To tell you the truth the prefect that you saw was not the real me. In my natural life I demand order, inefficiency irritates me, a single delay makes me fret, my anger is kindled whenever I have to face mistakes. Everyday beginning with my Morning Prayer with you I have to struggle to control my temper. It has been difficult, but my hope then was that my show of weakness as a prefect will be your strength as a community of mature men who can fend and stand up for themselves. I was struggling too just to trust you.
And now we continue our struggle to trust each other in this evaluation. You will give me your evaluation of yourself and the evaluation of your peers. There will be things I should not have known about you, which I will know beginning today. And yet can you trust me with this data and knowledge, will you not led me astray by untruth, will I use them against you? Will I betray your trust? Will you betray my trust? I chose to give the evaluation this way because again it is my way of winning your trust and confidence. I will acknowledge before you that the prefect is human like you capable of making mistakes in his judgments and assessments. When I give the evaluation I always stand to be corrected. Please correct me if I am wrong in my judgment about you. I give you the right to defend yourself with the help of your classmates and to correct my impressions. And if I am right I also demand that you acknowledge it and own the problem, for owning it is the first step to formation.
I told you I will never give up my role as prefect, as the defender of values - there are things that I must say which will hurt you and which may not sound good to you especially in front of your classmates. But this is part of our struggle to trust one another. I could not betray you by saying there is no problem when there is, neither can I betray my duty to God and this community just to make you feel good. Openness, frankness is part of trusting. It is our way of avoiding betrayal.
The second meaning of the word to betray is to fail or desert in time of need.
I am giving my evaluation to the class because for me the class is the first community of the individual. It is my hope that that community will be of help to the individual in need. To be betrayed by your class means they failed you in your time of need. As a seminarian then I have so many friends among my classmates and every time the evaluation comes I saw them leave one by one. I was hurt by that, that is why even today I am afraid to have intimate friends because I don’t want to suffer the same pain of loosing somebody. What hurt me most then was the fact that I was never given the opportunity to help them out – it was just a now they are here, the next day they are gone. Just like that – but we are humans, we have feelings for one another. In my years then I felt I was part of the betrayal process. Thus I am giving this evaluation by class because the community has the right to know because the community has the obligation to help.
This is the primary purpose why I am giving it this way – my idea of formation starts always with this premise. He may be the stupidest seminarian, he may be an ultra moron, but I want you to know that the individual can be helped and he can be helped by his community, by his class. By disclosing the evaluation of another to you, I am giving you the obligation to help each other, by your support, through fraternal correction, by accepting and loving him as he is. You are after all, your brother’s keeper. Let us not end up like Judas who pretended to be a friend of Jesus, let us not end up like Peter who said so many things nice about Jesus, then at a very crucial point abandoned him in his time of need. He is like one who says so many beautiful things about community life and Christian charity without actually doing anything - deserting a friend when he was needed most.
Let this day of betrayal of our new relationship and let it be a warning to all of us when we neglect to do our part.
During this day, I will begin giving the evaluation by class, of course to those who are ready. And I chose this day, the day of betrayal, to explain why I would give it by class and what you should do now that you will know each other’s needs and secrets.
Last night I got the dictionary and looked for the word betrayal. It has several meanings.
First – to lead astray and to deliver to an enemy by treachery.
When we started this journey together I told you that we should learn to trust each other. I begged you to trust me, I don’t want you to tell lies to me, I demanded always the truth from you. Some of you have come to my room just to tell me the mistakes they have done. I never promised you that I will not punish you, I never told you that it is just OK with me. I still have with me the right of the prefect as defender of values to weed out anything that is contrary to expected behavior. But you trusted me despite of that. You have made yourself too vulnerable because of this trust. But I too have made myself vulnerable in my effort to trust you. To tell you the truth the prefect that you saw was not the real me. In my natural life I demand order, inefficiency irritates me, a single delay makes me fret, my anger is kindled whenever I have to face mistakes. Everyday beginning with my Morning Prayer with you I have to struggle to control my temper. It has been difficult, but my hope then was that my show of weakness as a prefect will be your strength as a community of mature men who can fend and stand up for themselves. I was struggling too just to trust you.
And now we continue our struggle to trust each other in this evaluation. You will give me your evaluation of yourself and the evaluation of your peers. There will be things I should not have known about you, which I will know beginning today. And yet can you trust me with this data and knowledge, will you not led me astray by untruth, will I use them against you? Will I betray your trust? Will you betray my trust? I chose to give the evaluation this way because again it is my way of winning your trust and confidence. I will acknowledge before you that the prefect is human like you capable of making mistakes in his judgments and assessments. When I give the evaluation I always stand to be corrected. Please correct me if I am wrong in my judgment about you. I give you the right to defend yourself with the help of your classmates and to correct my impressions. And if I am right I also demand that you acknowledge it and own the problem, for owning it is the first step to formation.
I told you I will never give up my role as prefect, as the defender of values - there are things that I must say which will hurt you and which may not sound good to you especially in front of your classmates. But this is part of our struggle to trust one another. I could not betray you by saying there is no problem when there is, neither can I betray my duty to God and this community just to make you feel good. Openness, frankness is part of trusting. It is our way of avoiding betrayal.
The second meaning of the word to betray is to fail or desert in time of need.
I am giving my evaluation to the class because for me the class is the first community of the individual. It is my hope that that community will be of help to the individual in need. To be betrayed by your class means they failed you in your time of need. As a seminarian then I have so many friends among my classmates and every time the evaluation comes I saw them leave one by one. I was hurt by that, that is why even today I am afraid to have intimate friends because I don’t want to suffer the same pain of loosing somebody. What hurt me most then was the fact that I was never given the opportunity to help them out – it was just a now they are here, the next day they are gone. Just like that – but we are humans, we have feelings for one another. In my years then I felt I was part of the betrayal process. Thus I am giving this evaluation by class because the community has the right to know because the community has the obligation to help.
This is the primary purpose why I am giving it this way – my idea of formation starts always with this premise. He may be the stupidest seminarian, he may be an ultra moron, but I want you to know that the individual can be helped and he can be helped by his community, by his class. By disclosing the evaluation of another to you, I am giving you the obligation to help each other, by your support, through fraternal correction, by accepting and loving him as he is. You are after all, your brother’s keeper. Let us not end up like Judas who pretended to be a friend of Jesus, let us not end up like Peter who said so many things nice about Jesus, then at a very crucial point abandoned him in his time of need. He is like one who says so many beautiful things about community life and Christian charity without actually doing anything - deserting a friend when he was needed most.
Let this day of betrayal of our new relationship and let it be a warning to all of us when we neglect to do our part.
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