loosing steam
I want to tell you this morning what has been quite obvious these past two years now. I feel no more excitement in my task as formator as I did in the past. Routine and boredom have eaten what is left of the enthusiasm that initially plunged me to do some rethinking in the way formation is run. I thought I could make a comeback this year after getting the idea from you that some kind of structural change is needed. And I responded to it initially with a lot of excitement. And for a time I thought that I have regained insightfulness and depth. It was short-lived. It did not last long. I thought that the challenge to innovate and the excitement of risk-taking would rev up my former self.
Am I loosing steam? Does this go with age? Is the 13th year in the priesthood indeed unlucky?
Don’t blame yourself for what I now call the waning years. In the past there were also problems and obstacles just as there are problems and obstacles right now. But I feel that my capacity to adjust is not even comparable to what had been in the past. I am slower to adjust now, quick to react and easily irritated by mistakes and the lack of foresight. I am getting more at home now with corporate-like efficiency rather that the adventurism of community building. Fear may once again take hold rather than sincerity and real appreciation and valuing of formation. My continued presence will only restore hypocrisy to its former place in the community – as the easiest way to get through with formation. Hypocrisy is not just a disorder coming from within the individual. Hypocrisy can also be a disorder which the environment creates in the individual. People will always do hypocritically motivated righteous deeds for as long as there are people who will applaud them. If applause and approval can make hypocrites out of people, so also fear. Fear can also make hypocrites out of all of us.
I believe that something has to be done. Something has to be thought of the soonest possible time.
Am I loosing steam? Does this go with age? Is the 13th year in the priesthood indeed unlucky?
Don’t blame yourself for what I now call the waning years. In the past there were also problems and obstacles just as there are problems and obstacles right now. But I feel that my capacity to adjust is not even comparable to what had been in the past. I am slower to adjust now, quick to react and easily irritated by mistakes and the lack of foresight. I am getting more at home now with corporate-like efficiency rather that the adventurism of community building. Fear may once again take hold rather than sincerity and real appreciation and valuing of formation. My continued presence will only restore hypocrisy to its former place in the community – as the easiest way to get through with formation. Hypocrisy is not just a disorder coming from within the individual. Hypocrisy can also be a disorder which the environment creates in the individual. People will always do hypocritically motivated righteous deeds for as long as there are people who will applaud them. If applause and approval can make hypocrites out of people, so also fear. Fear can also make hypocrites out of all of us.
I believe that something has to be done. Something has to be thought of the soonest possible time.
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